May 2012
3 posts
A Chat at Lunch
A friend asked me today, “What’s new with Zack?” and I realized I didn’t have an answer. So, Jill, here’s what I should have said over sandwiches:
I’m working and finding time to play — not writing, but at least thinking, experiencing, gathering mistakes for the future. My past is all mistakes — a recent visit from a long-time friend, bearing...
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WHENEVER I SEE ONE OF THOSE .GIF BLOGS ON TUMBLR
April 2012
3 posts
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Priorities, man
Zack! How are you supposed to have an Internet presence when all you do is get out and form lasting relationships and live life to the fullest?
March 2012
4 posts
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February 2012
12 posts
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nedroidcomics:
There you go! Comics are just that easy. Computers do everything for you!
Ahahaha this comic. This is what nedroid makes for tutorials.
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Somebody and Me: Episode 54: Tommy Jangles →
On my fifth appearance on my buddies’ podcast, I make a very trite observation about movie trailers and win a movie trivia game on a technicality. Everything’s coming up Zack!
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When I was at Subway, buying my economical yet nutritious foot-long hors d’ouvre of carbs and chipotle sauce, I saw two guys off at the furthest, smallest table in the corner, talking quietly. One of them was pretty animated — sticking the fingers on his left hand up and pushing one down with his right every time he punctuated a point. The other listened intently, rubbing the bridge of...
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January 2012
11 posts
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My Friends and I Are Pretty Cool
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Universal Experiences
On the bus, a drunk and smelly guy (probably homeless, let’s be real) kept harassing the driver. “I got laid off today, man!” he said. “Laid off today — ain’t got no money now.”
The bus stopped at Western, and the driver asked, “Is this your stop?” The drunk, smelly guy looked outside, at the cold, dreary street still illuminated by the...
My 5-star Yelp review of the Williamsburg post... →
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Scraps From My Notebook: Onion Headlines
College Freshman Discovers Pot, Social Anxiety Simultaneously
China Agrees to Nuclear Family Proliferation
FantaseaWorld Trainer Impaled by Narwhal
Culinary School Final Exam Piece Of Cake (pictured: a piece of cake)
Five-Year-Old President Passes Universal Cootie Care
Sommelier Just Recommending Wines At Random, Quite Frankly
Girl From High School Still Hot, Pregnant
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If You Give a Mouse a Muse
My friend Genevieve likes to play down the fact that her recent short story is pretty damn good by saying she wrote it over six hours while she was drunk.
I want to get drunk and write a short story. It’s Saturday night, and I’ve got the energy to stay up. Let’s do it.
But first I have to wait for my ice cubes to freeze so I can pour myself some whiskey. That’ll be at...
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John Steinbeck, in a letter to his son, 1954:
Second—There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of...
Tuesday
If you ever have a bad day at work, just have your gal make you an Old Fashioned that’s a bit too strong and put on “That’s Not Me” from Pet Sounds. It’s a song about having dreams and then realizing that hey, fuck you, hot shot, you’ll never accomplish anything — so sit back down and sip those two shots of whiskey your gal diluted with ice.
December 2011
10 posts
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An Ad Agency, 1950
Copywriter 1: Okay, here's our slogan: "Calvin Klein - It Just Makes Scents."
Ad Exec: I don't get it. Where are the coins?
Copywriter 1: What do you mean?
Copywriter 2: Shouldn't there be pennies or something? I don't get the pun.
Copywriter 1: No, it's not 'cents.' It's 'scents,' as in smells.
Ad Exec: I'll tell you what smells. This ad!
Copywriter 2: Phil, it just doesn't make sense.
Ad Exec: Exactly! It will never sell.
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I Miss the Skits
Cornell Daily Sun: Do you have any particularly fond or funny memories from Cornell that you might want to share? Jason Reich: I have to say that working with the Skits is a very fond memory. I have great memories of just two days ‘til the show, and staying up in Risley theatre until three in the morning, trying to rehearse the skits. Everybody hating each other [laughs] and wanting to claw each...
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Somebody and Me: Episode 45 →
I was on my buddies’ podcast for a fourth time this week, and I had a lot of fun, though it’s obvious that my knowledge of movie trailers is dwindling and I have no idea what Rob Thomas sounds like.
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Sometimes I wonder if I should try to write a memoir now, at 24, or at the very least record my life in pseudo-fictional terms like Kerouac did with On the Road. Have my own version of this, one of my favorite lines in literature:
We lay on our backs, looking at the ceiling and wondering what God had wrought when He made life so sad.
Except in my own words and experience:
We lay curled on...
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November 2011
5 posts
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For all his perspicacity, George Orwell would have been stymied by this situation; there is nothing “Orwellian” about it. The President does not have the press under his thumb. The New York Times and The Washington Post are not Pravda; the Associated Press is not Tass. And there is no Newspeak here. Lies have not been defined as truth nor truth as lies. All that has happened is that...
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An Inventory of My Medicine Cabinet
On the bottom, where it’s wood: a patch of crusted Crest toothpaste, from when I forgot to replace the cap; a tube of Sensodyne toothpaste, a damp toothbrush propped against it; tissues; chewable vitamins; a retainer, neglected for years and stained with old plaque; nail clippers, the pointy-file-thing still half-drawn from when I had to open a package; a hair comb; Listerine Total Care...
October 2011
16 posts
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A Dudebro Dressed as Ron Burgundy Walks Into a...
Dudebro: Ron Burgundy is here, everyone! Table for two!
Hostess: Name?
Dudebro: Ron Burgundy!
Hostess: ...So, Ron?
Dudebro: Yeah. Yeah, it's Ron.
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